Taciturnly » little one

Meet the Little One.

elle — Mon, 29 Mar 2010 11:51:26 +0000

Due to this post and the awesome comments I recieved from my readers, I decided to share the Little One with you, my soon to be step daughter.

The below is me and the Little One, which was taken in 2008, we were just meeting each other, and getting to know each other. I loved to make her laugh, oh she had such a giggle. I used to chase her around and tickle her, she would squeal and scream and giggle so much. I still remember that day when she tripped over and started crying and instead of running past me to her dad, she happily lifted her hands to me.

I also loved how she’d settle down, and let me point things out to her, which I think we’re doing in this picture. She’d look at what I was pointing and talking about with such an intense look.

Below is a photo that was taken not quite a month after her second birthday, if I remember rightly we let daddy sleep in and we got dressed, had breakfast and had a girlie morning. By now she was happy to spend time with just me, she could happily say/yell/scream my name, though it came out like Eel. By now, with those eyes, and with that giggle she had my heart.

Since then, we’ve had one more birthday, soon to be another birthday, and we’ve had two more christmases. We have up and downs, times where she tests me since I’m not a parent, and I’m sure we will have many more. Those upsetting times are and always will be trumped by those times where she runs to me even though there are blood relatives closer, when she smiles when she sees I’m in the car waiting for her, when I hear giggle, or when she asks me to play with her, when she asks to dance with me or when she knows if she asks I will help her get food, or a drink, or do her hair. She has my heart and always will have.

I can’t believe how big she is, and how much she’s grown.
I cannot believe how much I love her, and how much I cannot wait until I can call her my step-daughter.

Growing up

elle — Sun, 21 Mar 2010 05:45:48 +0000

I love finding writing or numbers books suitable for the little one’s age, she is three and a half. She can write As and Ms without assistance, and can trace majority of others without assistance. However, I thought this book would be great for her. It starts with lines, vertical and horizontal, circles and half circles, short dashes and basically any pencil movement you need to be able to master before you can write properly.

It gets into the letters later, but I really thought the finer details were quite important and often missed by other educational book.

Can I believe she’s almost writing? Absolutely not. I’m looking forward to when she starts to read. I really don’t know how to start off helping her to learn to read. When I helped older children with the mental age of a 3/4 year old. We did flash cards, started with a couple of words and slowly build up.

Is that suitable for the little one? Or is there some magic, secret way no one has told me about?

She’s talking about going to school, and how much fun it will be. I’m looking forward to seeing her mature and grow up, and yet I’m already missing the fun that her being two brings.

As I write this, she’s currently napping so maybe I’ll hold off on being sad about her growing up until she doesn’t want her afternoon nap.

We hit the show

elle — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 00:26:45 +0000

This is the second year we’ve taken the little one to the Royal Adelaide Show. Last year she was just two, she stayed in her pram as we walked around the busy parts, we spend most our time in the animal areas where she could walk around and squeal over the animals. This year, she walked most the time, even around the busy areas, she loved the animals, but all she could remind us was that she wanted to go on rides.

For a three year old who normally will not ride on horse rides in the shopping centre, we were hesitant to spend $5.00 on a ride. I asked her a few times if she was sure she wanted to go around and around on the horses, she eagerly replied. For the next two hours, all we heard was her telling us she wanted more rides. And she did. We said she could do three rides, she went on a train, and looked proud half way through. Then a plane ride, which went up over our heads, and she had a blast. She did so well on all three rides, you would not imagine it was the same girl who cried just last month on a horse-go-around.

A few years ago, when I went to the show with some friends, I got bored quickly. My friends didn’t do what I liked, I don’t do rides, I like animals, I like standing still and watching people. Going with a three year old? I got to do all that stuff with the little one, and that’s what she wanted to do. It was great fun.

By three pm, when the little one normally would have been napping we were deciding it was time to head home. We hung the boy’s jacket over the front of the pram and laid the pram down so she could rest. I love she’s still small enough to do that, and yet big enough to move the jacket out the way so she can peek out the front. We headed on by train, until we realised it would be an hour wait until the next one, so we went by bus. I cuddled up the little one and the boy folded up the pram and on we got. Then, of course the driver said we could have left the pram open. Whatever happened to the days you had to fold the pram to get on a bus. However, it was fun cuddling up with the little one. I remember one of the first times I stayed over when the little one stayed over, she was still getting fed by bottle just before bed time. I attempted to do it for the boy as he was getting something else ready, and she did not want me at all. Sucked as we normally got long well, but it was bedtime and she wanted daddy. On the bus, the boy said on a different chair as I took up the whole bus seat. The little one cuddled up to me, she didn’t look around for daddy, and was happy with her Elle. Of course this isn’t the first time I’ve cuddled with her when she’s sleepy, but it’s the first time I’ve thought about it. I love how far we’ve come, and can’t wait to keep building it.

The drama!

elle — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 06:44:52 +0000

Something I didn’t think that was supposed to continue past High School? Drama! However, when you partner up with someone with an ex-wife and a daughter, it’s bound to happen.

I’ve fought a long time to have any communication with the ex-wife. In fact I fought for so long, she forgot I was fighting for it, and now thinks the fact we talk was her idea. It’s something that with anyone else, it would frustrate me, I ended up looking like the immature one, and she gets to look mature.

I’m glad we talk, it’s hard to be step mum like here in my house, and yet have no communication about her outside the house. I would just found out what the boy is told. I do the toilet duty most times, so I’d end up passing information to the boy to tell her, and he would relay it back. Now I can send a sms and expect one back. To think at her mum’s house it might be “let’s go to daddy and elle’s house”, not just “let’s go to daddy’s house”.

On the down side, I’m now the go-to-girl when the boy and her have troubles. Which, is interesting, and odd. I try to calm the waters and move it along. Even with the odd situation, I would rather this way, then back to no communication. It’s like I’m actually part of the little one’s life completely, not just in the corner of her life.

The other thing I didn’t expect, was my bond with the little one to jump in bounds after our week together. Maybe it wasn’t just because of that week, maybe it was just her getting older and us having more time just the two of us. When I get her out of bed, she hangs on to my neck a little longer, she knows how to give me Eskimo kisses (fairly sure I’m the only one who does that with her). She asks to sit on my lap while we watch some ABC kids, and happily says bye to daddy when we’re going anywhere just us two. And, sometimes even though daddy is right there, she’ll run to me for a hug or a high five.

So yeah, it is pretty drama filled, but I love it, and wouldn’t choose anything else.

Um, right… Uni

elle — Sun, 09 Aug 2009 07:43:32 +0000

I decided I needed a new layout for taciturnly, and while you guys can’t see it. I can, thanks to “Theme Tester Archive“. Basically the admin can see a different theme to the rest of the readers. (If anyone see half a made layout, let me know ok?) It makes it’s so much easier, especially since though I’ve made WordPress themes before, I haven’t made one with the new dynamic sidebar (widgets). Surprisingly easy to get working properly, though I have yet to find a way to be able to edit a widget individually. I hven’t done much CSS editing in a while, so this has been fun. I’m not great at it, but I know enough to fake my way through, if I struggle Google + the boy bail me out.

I do love WordPress, I love how easy it is to use. The one thing I think is awful about it is the theme editor. I had it die twice on me, once I had edited a whole heap, and would only load half the CSS from then on wards. Not worth the hassle. Using Coda at the moment, it’s pretty and simple, and once my trial runs out, I think I need $100.00

My favourite WordPress Plugins are definitely:

That’s about all I’m using at the moment though, any further ideas? Probably going to go find a “tweet this” button, and well any fun ones, like ones for added benefits than for needed uses.

However, I should be doing some Uni work, this is so much more fun though. I’m mostly up to date with Uni just need to get in front for the first lot of essays coming up. I will tonight, I’m sure I will.

The little one’s week started on Saturday, been so very fun so far. She’s getting to the stage where we don’t have to ever put her in “time out” and a simple firm voice means she listens and starts behaving. And when she’s started to whine about nothing in particular you can point it out and she gets embarrassed and stops. But man, she’s a sleeper just like her dad. I mean a good few hours nap a day plus a normal night time! How can any one sleep that much? We did some alphabet work yesterday, we can do A’s basically by ourselves. As in, with instruction but with her the only one holding the pencil. Also she’s started to be able to identify letters individually rather than just being able to rattle them off in the right order. We plan to have A & B done by the end of the week since she’s so good at A.

Any way, ideas for WP Plug-ins?

a good week ahead

elle — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 11:26:26 +0000

Last few days have been hard. I’ve slipped into the worst place I’ve been for a while, I’m having to make the effort to eat properly. It’s a very easy to slip back into unhealthy ways. A toss between wanting to be back there, or wanting to be healthy. It seems like an easy choice. It isn’t. There is a feeling I can’t quite describe, most people complain when they’re hungry and their belly rumbling. I find it powerful and like I’m in control, and in obvious ways rewarding. It’s an odd emotion/power to “feed” off of. Something that I should know how to distinguish as wrong and illogical. While, I know it is wrong and illogical, I don’t know well enough to go and eat when I’m hungry. I either eat because I can, not when I’m hungry, and only because I’m “ignoring” my eating issues, or I restrict my intake greatly. I still haven’t learnt enough to deal with my issues, and I wouldn’t be struggling now. I need to work on that….

We have great week planned from Friday onwards, first United game of the A-League, a week with the little one, only two days at work that week. That week the boy has a week holiday and then his new job, which is exciting for us. Hopefully, more stable and more secure. I’m catching with my dad on Saturday, as well as the boy’s folks. Sunday time to catch up with my sister and her boy. Mostly, excited about the week with the little one. A whole week. We tend to get settle in our rountine, and it lasts two days… it sucks. This time we get to be in it for a whole 7 days.

With a week of fun, and hopefully a good mood. We’ll see how this all bad week plays out. Thanks for so much support last post. Very appreciated.

our weekend.

elle — Sat, 25 Jul 2009 13:13:30 +0000

It’s our weekend with the little one. It scares me how quickly she grows, our fortnight away from her and she’s improved in her words, her attitude sky rockets and her attempt to play us does too. My favourite thing so far this weekend? Her remembering how to sing “I’m Bringing Home a Baby Bumblebee” and the way she tries to make me laugh after she realises her fake crying has made me give her my “don’t be naughty look”. She still can’t do the thumbs up, but she can play Wii Sports Resort with my help.

We have a whole week with her soon, I can’t wait to have a normal routine with her for a whole week.

I love that when other people other than the boy listen to her babble, at times need me to translate at times for her. I love that I can pull her into my lap and we watch kids shows on YouTube. Actually, that is also one of my favourite parts of this weekend. Watching Hi5 on YouTube with her, seems a little lame. However, I grew up with the first season or two of Hi5. I was the older of the fans at about 9/10 but I was still a fan when they first started. Now at 20? I can still remember all the words and the dances to those early songs, and lucky for me, guess which songs she knows? So we’ve been dancing in front of YouTube, and I filmed some cute bits of her dancing (while staring at herself in the monitor of course).

And while, at times the thought of her realising she doesn’t need to love me or have me in her life eats me up inside. At the moment when she goes to bed and I whisper “I love you, love me?” She sleepily replies “Yes”. And at the moment when she being sweet she says “I love you very much, Elle”. And at the moment when she sings L.O.V.E, she cuddles in while she sings the words.

L.O.V.E. I love you and you love me.
L.O.V.E. that’s the way it’s meant to be.

You lose your heart,
I’ll lose mine,
show me your love and I’ll feel fine.
We’ll stay close and never part,
I’ll always love you, cross my heart.

a little bit baby

elle — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 11:47:21 +0000

To continue on from my last post and my want to be a wife. My other want from life? To be a mother. Yes I’d like to be a wife and mother, and I’m sorry if that makes me some lame traditional girl, rather than a career focused feminist.
I’ve been babysitting since I was about 13, helped in a 2-5 creche for about 5 years, used to babysit with my friend 17 kids ranging from 0-10 when their folks had a bible study and was a leader in Girls Brigade in a few years. I grew up in a church family community, in that environment kids were around constantly and allowed to play and hover by themselves for a few hours a week. (in a gated yard but it was kids kids kids, with parents drinking coffee looking out the windows.) So I’ve been around kids all my life, even when I was a kid I was the one hugging the babies and carrying them when I was barely bigger than them, then I became the preteen who was good with kids and could be trusted to look after them. Now? I’m the twenty year old with the nearly three year old kinda step-kid. And, I’m also the twenty year old who can’t wait to be a mother in my own right.
I want to finish university, and be married. I also, want to be a young mother. Any time I’ve mentioned this, I get the “you have years to have babies”, I realise this that doesn’t change my want to be a mother. Truthfully, that insinuates I’m too immature to be a mother, and well as humbly as I can, I disagree.

It’s really quite hard to watch the person you love already be a parent, especially when being a parent is something you want a lot. The little one can calm my want to be a parent, as well as irritate, smooth, upset it. It’s something I deal with everyday, and though I would not give her or my relationship with her up with for a second, the “pain” of him being a parent, while I’m not, is something I wish would just leave for a week out the month, just to give me a break. Do you know how hard it is to wait for all your “ducks to be in a row” for something that one of the people in the relationship has? The joys of being the second…

I can’t wait to be a mum, it may sound lame. It’s just something I’ve wanted my whole life, and something I can not wait for the ‘okay’….

Could I be?

elle — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 13:35:15 +0000

The weekend was fun. Fun but hard and draining. Not because we had a nearly three year old keeping us busy, just because I had to try and keep my mind straight. On the subject, I was surprised at reaction to my previous post. Thank you everyone who came forward and expressed their support and shared their stories. It’s meant a lot.

This weekend of the fortnight, is the most fun. Our family is together, the little one is fun and cheery, and “loves me very much”. (She told me that for the first time this weekend.) However, it can get much harder than I thought it would become. It’s the silly little things, like the fact she’s learnt her name, her full name her two middle names and last name. Her last name, which she shares with her dad and mum, her grandma and grandpa, and well not me. I hate being reminded I’m absolute no relation and not even a relation by law yet.
She falls asleep in my arms, she’ll run to me when she’s scared, and cling to me when she’s shy, I need to learn that’s all that is important.

I can’t wait until I’m his wife, and her step-mum. It may be some time away, as the story is long and complicated. I can’t wait until I’m more than “her dad’s girlfriend”, sometimes it doesn’t seem to give me enough credit (toot my own horn here). I’ve been in her life for 18 months, that’s over half her life. I don’t think she sees me as her dad’s girlfriend, I don’t think she’d come to me like she does, or ask me for things like she does…. I just can’t wait till I can be her step-mum and we can have a special bond that no one else has.

I don’t cook.

elle — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 13:37:49 +0000

Everyone who knows me, knows I don’t do the cooking. I don’t really know *how* to cook, it’s all a little scary. But alas, the last few days I’ve cooked tea, and baked goodies. I must say it’s a lot of fun, and I did not to do badly at all, if I do say myself.
We tend to spend a little too much money on semi prepared food, I’d like to change so we are fully preparing every meal.

So I took the opportunity of the boy going to Football, and having the little one all to myself and we made cookies. She did quite well, only got bored at the end, stood carefully on her stool, and laughed at my lameness when I put flour on her nose. The cookies came out well, tasted good, and was a great late night snack before the little one fell asleep watching ‘So You Think You Can Dance.’ (Can you blame her?).

I am very thankful that she’s nearly three and will still start to fall asleep on me at night. And that she is feisty enough to tell me to ‘go away’ when I tell her off, and that she starts to walk herself to time out as soon as she says it. That she will dance to Michael Jackson now, and will know him like I know Elvis. That she’ll eat my attempt at a tart for tea, and give me a kiss for my effort. That when I get her out of bed in the morning or after naps she’ll hug me extra hard. But mainly I’m thankful she takes the chance on me to be involved in her life even if I’m not related.

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