I’ve been silent on this blog for too long, I’ve missed writing but couldn’t be bothered writing. I’m not sure why I’ve stopped writing, it’s half because I’m super busy with university and half because I’m super boring.

I’m writing today because I’m struggling. My weight, my eating, it has and I’m sure always be the one thing that can make me fall apart. I’m at my heaviest and it truly disgusts me. The problem I have is I either eat whatever I want constantly and can’t think about it or I fall apart, or I take notice of what I eat and no matter how healthy I want to be, I restrict my intake.

I don’t really know where and how to go past this, I can ingore my weight for so long, I gain and then end up just absolutely disgusted with myself. And then I decide to be healthy and watch my calories and excerise. By day two, I’ve resricted my intake and by the end of the week I’ve fallen back to old habits. The worst thing, is when faced with that decision, just accept my weight and maybe cut out junk food, every time I turn back to restricting my intake. It works, it’s a high, it’s safe and normal for me.

Now, is one of those times. Even with a boyfriend who loves me at my current weight, and it kills him when I restrict, I still am questioning which way to turn. And truthfully, like always restricting and dropping back into my eating disordered behaviour seems to be winning.

I have started my luck on writing some articles online. I’ve started with Bukisa, as they are one of the only ones I could find who were happy to pay people outside the USA. I have only written one article so far, and do think I will need to write a few before I can see a payment of anything worthwhile.

My first article is Teaching your dog to shake paws. Three simple steps, try it and let me know if it worked for you. I found it really easy, but I’m not sure if it was “smart” dog, or pure luck.

I was looking to try to be accepted with Demand Studios. Unfortunately they do not accept any one from outside USA, but I was told they are looking to extend to outside just the USA, which I really hope is true.

I am utterly disappointed at the moment of businesses who had not made something as easily universal as freelance writing globally available. I don’t know it was about Tax or something, but still very disappointing.  Also, since paid blogging is very focussed on American bloggers as well. Some love for the Aussie, please.

I must apologise for the lack of blog posts. I do have three or four in the works, all in my draft section. I promise they will be up soon, trying out a new opportunity, plus second lot of Uni assigments means I’ve been a bit slack.

Nirvana smiley

I have done a few more attempts at baking, and well they taste great. However, my attempt at decorating is getting worse.

Just to set myself up for some really bad failure, but I totally want to do this. A batch of cupcakes with the smiley of Nirvana. If I can pull it off, it will pretty much be the coolest thing I’ve ever done. (yes, I’m that lame.)

I need to grab some colouring and a cake writing pen. I’m not sure if it’d be best to reverse the colours, or if that would make it look terrible.

I can’t wait, Nirvana cupcakes!